Developing Moral Responsibility

Many years ago, whilst working for royalty, global leaders would often visit my employers and talk politics at the highest level. Their conversations will remain private and kept in the strictest of confidence, abiding by a sacred bond of trust, which I will honour and take to the grave.

Conversations would occasionally ask for my thoughts and opinions, I would always be guarded knowing I could never articulate at the same level of those I served. My responses would always be sincere and humble. I would never give the impression that I was a gifted statesman. My role was always to care for the people I served and not to irritate them with my opinions, in that way, you could never be judged. 

As hoteliers, estate managers, butlers, and household professionals, we have evolved over many centuries into professional people carers who have learned to control what we say and do, to channel ourselves into a personification of a superhuman being, without apparent fault.  We are expected to be highly knowledgeable, to know facts and make exceptional recommendations. That remains, its on the tick list. 

Never Hurt Feelings

We have gradually become the image of what you see today, we have professionalised our behaviour knowing we are the ones who must control everything we are responsible for.  That includes being careful with our choice of words, not to hurt feelings or to be disagreeable, no matter how innocent we believe we might be.

We can manipulate language

We can used language as a sophisticated tool to inspire and influence great meaning and understanding. When we simplify our words, we can be more universally understood but in the wrong hands, words can also procrastinate conjecture, spread doom and gloom and become dull and boring, especially if too many words are used, when sometimes, less is more.   

We live in a world where everything can be checked. 

Today, we must be careful with what we say, we live in the dangerous digital age, where every fact can be cross referenced and doubled checked. We are saturated with online information, and everyone has access.  We are expected to be experts in everything and must acquire our knowledge through personal experience or through quality recommendations.

We have a reputation to preserve
When we have a position of moral responsibility, we should never abuse the trust to overly influence and shape someone else’s mindset. Sadly, it takes a lifetime to develop a reputation and a second to ruin one. We encourage development of critical thinking, openness and transparency but urge caution on sharing personal experiences connected to politics, religion and conspiracy theories which must always remain private.   Even when we are pressed to give comment, anything we say, might be disagreeable, cause offense and devalue our intentions.

We must avoid anything that might harm our continual success, we should steer clear of anything that could dilute thoughts of the people we endeavour to inspire. 

The Wisdom of Saying Less

Many years ago, whilst working for royalty, world leaders would occasionally visit my employers to discuss politics and international affairs at the very highest level. Those conversations will remain private and honoured through a sacred bond of trust.

From time to time, I would be asked for my thoughts. I always remembered my place. My responsibility was never to impress people with my opinions or pretend to possess the knowledge of experienced statesmen. My role was simply to care for the people I served.

I was once reminded of an old story about the butler Stephens. When guests attempted to draw him into conversations beyond his professional responsibility, his reply was beautifully simple:

“I am not able to be of assistance in that matter.”

Stephens understood that professionalism is not measured by having an opinion on everything, but by knowing when silence carries greater value than words.

If you don’t know, say you don’t know.
Today, we live in an age where everyone is expected to have an opinion. Information is everywhere, yet wisdom often lies in recognising the limits of our own knowledge. There is no shame in saying, “I don’t know,” or allowing those with greater expertise to lead the conversation.

We can choose to say what not to say.
As butlers, household managers and hospitality professionals, our reputation is built upon judgement, discretion and trust. Guests seek our knowledge within our profession, not our views on politics, religion or the controversies of the day.

Sometimes the greatest sign of professionalism is not what we say, but what we choose not to say.